Friday 21 February 2014

Today I was diagnosed with Depression.



Just because there is a storm does not mean you have to stay out in the rain.




Day one of recovery- over 6 years later. Today I was diagnosed with moderate to mild Chronic Depression by a Psychiatrist. I have been prescribed Lexapro. Starting tomorrow morning i will be taking half a tablet every morning for six days to acclimatise my brain to the drug. After that it will be one whole tablet (10mg) every morning. I have decided to write this blog for several reasons: firstly, to track my own personal changes. I want to see if my personality changes, how long it takes and in what ways i change. Secondly, I want to let people out there reading this know that it is not too late to ask for help- be it in the form of seeking professional help or finding someone to listen (or read!). Thirdly I think it is important for people who have gone through major trauma in life (My case being Scoliosis Surgery, age 13) to know that it is ok to be feeling as you do right now, and that it WILL get better. I thought i could help myself by journaling my experience. If I help others along the way then that is just a bonus. 

I recently watched Steven Fry talk about Bi-Polar depression. If you haven't watched it then I recommend you do (http://bigthink.com/videos/an-uppy-downy-mood-swingy-kind-of-guy). When I thought about my moods I always managed to convince myself that I wasn't depressed. I was happy a lot of the time- therefore I couldn't be depressed. Everything in my life was good- therefore i couldn't be depressed. There were people who were going through horrible things around me... divorce, bereavement, loss of a job, an ill sibling.. the list goes on. These people, these people had a right to be depressed. Not me. What I went through was almost seven years ago. Move on. But if you go back and replace the phrase 'be depressed' with 'have asthma' its a whole new ball game. IT IS AN ILLNESS. 

Steven Fry likened depression to weather. This analogy woke me up to what i was suffering from. The fact that I was happy didn't mean that I couldn't have depression. Just because there is a storm doesn't mean you have to stay out in the rain. 

I will talk about my story a little bit at a time. There is a lot to get out and I don't want to bore you all away... But some basic background information that might be of interest to see if my story is similar to yours (Or any interest!): 

  • I am currently a 20 year old female Studying Psychology (ironically) in the UK
  • I went to a boarding school in England from the ages of ten- eighteen
  • When I was 13 (2007) I was diagnosed with Idiopathic, Adolescent Scoliosis. When I 13 I was diagnosed with Idiopathic, Adolescent Scoliosis (Curvature of the spine) was operated on within the next three months. I had two serious ops to achieve Spinal Fusion (photos to follow...) 
  • In the past (almost) 7 years as well as coping with major adjustments due to the surgery, i have also gone through bereavement and have had suicidal thoughts. 
Today marks the beginning of My Recovery. 



P.S Sorry for my appalling computer skills and my blogging technique... i have no idea if this is actually public or if i am just rambling to myself! This is my first time doing anything like this and i dont consider writing my forte so you will have to forgive me if this makes no sense... The others will be more clear i promise!  

Thanks for reading